So yes, my new motto:

I am not going to let anything in life stress me out.

No matter what.

Why the new motto? Not only because it’s a good one, but because I am sick of having huge muscle knots in my neck and back the size of Alaska.

A few days ago, my friend Jennifer comes up to me at work and pats my shoulders. “Honey, you need to relax, you look like a hunchback.” I hadn’t realized it but my shoulders were engulfing my ears. Seriously.
Hence, why I can’t move my neck from side to side, due to the volleyball attached to it on the inside. This is definitely the worst my back and neck have ever been. Mike keeps telling me to go to my doctor for a back adjustment but the muscles are so tight, he wouldn’t be able to crack me. He’ll work on the muscle knots, yes, but he’ll probably make me cry in pain. Which is fine, I know it needs to be done to get these suckers out of here…however, I also work for him and I don’t want mascara running down my face in front of patients. Or have them hear my blood-curdling screams from the back room. Might freak them out.

Instead, I have been turning to my amazing husband and mother to massage the heck out of me. Which has been torture. (Anyone with back pain knows what I’m talking about.)

Good news, though…I feel a little better today! Instead of volleyballs, the muscle knots have been reduced to baseballs! YES!

Plus, life has just been crazy. My grandparents are very ill down in Florida. There have been several new changes at my job. Mike has been dealing with family drama and school. And I could go on….

So that is why I need some stress-reduction.

I’m thinking of trying yoga. And I’m going to start getting monthly massages…and I need to go with Cat to try accupuncture. If any of these things have helped you, please leave a comment and let me know. I need all the encouragement I can get!

I know most of my problem is in my own mind. I’m a worry-wart. I worry about everyone and everything. I need to learn to step back a little bit. Like my Dad always tells me: “This too shall pass.” And he is right. The stressful situations always pass, so why let it get to you?

So from now on:

“STRESS BE GONE!”

This is one of the many birds that reside around our property…isn’t he beautiful??

Most of the time, I can handle it. This past week, however, I could not.

As far as physical pain, “pins & needles” and fatigue, I have been doing fairly well. My new medications are working wonders! It’s been fantastic: feeling good, warm weather, sunshine, flowers, pollen.

Aaaaah yeessssss…..pollen. Did you get that? Pollen. P.O.L.L.E.N. Uh, huh….POLLEN!!!

Pollen=Allergies. Allergies=Asthma Attack. Asthma Attack=A solid month of Hacking, Coughing, Choking, Steroids, Inhalers, Breathing Treatments, etc.

I love you, Spring!

I thought I had a handle on things until a few nights ago, when I woke up at 1:30 AM unable to breathe and had to hack and choke just to take a drag of oxygen. Then I had to pull myself to the living room and get all buzzed on an albuterol nebulizer treatment, just to be able to take a (somewhat) normal breath. Once back in bed, I would try to lay down and every time my head hit the pillow, I would start to choke and come flying up out of bed, trying desperately not to vomit due to the intensity of the coughing.

Needless to say, I lost it.

And I mean, LOST IT!

There was no Sunshine.

I was hysterical!

For about 5 seconds….

…Then I got mad because I had to control myself so that I wouldn’t make my asthma worse.

Can’t I have a mental breakdown on my own terms???!?!?!?

So I cried anyway. I let it all out. How I don’t feel like me, this isn’t who I am. I don’t want my life controlled by my illnesses. I’m sick of having limitations, I’m sick of BEING sick. It went on and on and on…you guys know what I’m talking about.

And my sweet husband just held me and told me he loved me and that everything would be ok.

I LOVE him!

And ya know what? It felt really good to get it all out. We need to do that every once in awhile. No matter how strong of a person you are, everyone has their limit and if you don’t vent those feelings, you WILL blow.

Which will only make you sicker.

Ironic, huh?

So for all of you out there who have a moment (or “moments”) like mine, be kind to yourself. You are allowed a breakdown now and again. It takes so much courage and daily strength to deal with chronic illness. Rely on others for support. Talk about your feelings. Put yourself out there.

Only then will you have the ability to continue smiling.

And yes, I’m still smiling.

Enter in my new Opthamologist. I’ll call him Dr. Tom. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning.

A few weeks ago, I was at a friend’s house for dinner. A group of us were sitting around the dining room table, playing games and having fun. All of a sudden, my friend looks at me and says: “Oh my God, what is wrong with your eyes?” I look around at everyone else at the table and their hands go flying to their mouths with a gasp.

Of course, I freaked out.

“What? What’s wrong? Did an eyeball pop out and I didn’t notice?”

I ran into the bathroom and peered into the mirror. I swear, my pupils had taken over both eyes. If you hadn’t met me before then, you would have no idea what color my eyes were, they were completely black.

Now, I had been sitting in the same light setting for hours, had not taken any crystal meth and hadn’t been poisoned by any foreign mushrooms.

So what was the deal?

My friend’s father is a firefighter/EMT so he gave me a neuro exam. My eyes were reacting to light and I could see perfectly fine, so he told me not to worry about it. My mother, who is a nurse, agreed. I was still freaked out but I decided to let it go.

About an hour later, Mike and I were driving home and I noticed that I had a blind spot in my left eye. I blinked. It was still there. I rubbed my eyes. It was still there. I REALLY freaked out then! Was I having an aneurism? Was I going blind? What was happening to me??

Now maybe you are reading this and thinking, “Wow, she is dramatic!” And you would be correct, I can be very dramatic. However, I have never had any problems with my eyes. I have never worn glasses or contacts and I’ve never had any reason to see an eye doctor. And I do NOT like the idea of anyone touching my eyes! Hence, the hysteria.

I called my Mom and she suggested I talk to my physician’s assistant the next day at work. So I did. And she immediately sent me to the opthamologist. She wasn’t sure if it was a partially detached retina or yet another symptom of my neuro issues, but she wanted to be safe. So off I went to see Dr. Tom.

Mike came with me because they would be dilating my (already dilated) eyes and they didn’t want me driving home. The office was huge! Dr. Tom works for a very reputable, multi-physician practice. I filled out a bunch of paperwork about my health history, my lifestyle, what my firstborn child’s name will be, where I want to retire…I’m joking, but there were alot of questions on the forms.

A very nice male nurse brought me into the first exam room to get the low-down on what was going on with me. He asked me a bunch of questions, checked the pressure of my eyes (which felt SO weird) and put the dilating drops in. After about 15 minutes, Dr. Tom came in. A very nice, middle-aged man, very Greek (if you knew his last name, you’d know what I mean), and very knowledgable; he put me at ease immediately. What was interesting and confusing, however, was the beginning of our conversation:

“Hello Shanon, nice to meet you. I’m Dr. Tom.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“So you have numbness in your arms and legs?”

“Yes.”

“Do you ever have trouble walking?”

“Yes.”

“Do you ever have trouble sleeping?”

“Yes.” (What the heck does this have to do with my eyes??”)

“Do you ever drop things, have balance issues, memory issues, things like that?”

“Yes.” (How the heck does he know all my symptoms from the last couple years? I didn’t put those on the forms!)

“Shanon, you have Celiac disease.”

“Huh?” Now I was completely baffled! So was Mike. Where did this come from? “What do you mean I have Celiac disease?”

“I’ve seen it in my patients time after time and I know it when I see it.”

“I had the blood test for it and it came back negative.”

According to Dr. Tom, the blood test is not always accurate. He suggested I have a stool sample tested and possibly get an intestinal biopsy. He is convinced it is causing my issues. He said if he was right, and I came completely off gluten, my symptoms could all be gone within a year.

Are you kidding me????!?!?!?!?!?!?!!

Can you imagine if ALL this time, I had Celiac disease and I could have been symptom free YEARS ago??

He had the disease himself, along with members of his family and many of his patients, and they all were doing 100% better. It was worth a shot, right?? He gave me a slew of information and told me to let him know how the tests came out.

My eyes were fine, by the way. Just some side effects from a new medication I had started that would resolve on their own.

On the way to the check-out counter, Dr. Tom’s nurse turned around to me and said:

“Listen to him, he knows his stuff. I’ve worked with him for 11 years and I’m not exaggerating, he has helped diagnose hudreds of patients with this. He’s a great doctor who truly cares about people and wants to see them feel better.”

I was floored. Here is an eye doctor who went above and beyond to try to help me find some answers. He didn’t get anything out of it except the possibility of helping another human being. Now THAT is a good doctor.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Cutting out gluten would be difficult and life-changing but it would be one of the better answers I could get. The tests are next week and I should get the results a few weeks after that, so I will keep you all posted!

If those tests come back positive, I have my Mystery Diagnosis episode! And you’ll all get to know Dr. Tom for yourselves!!

Here is Mike and my youngest brother, Isaac, standing in an old battle bunker. Very cool place!

Then, about a month ago, I woke up and couldn’t walk…a repeat of what happened last year when I ended up in the hospital for a week. I went to the Emergency Room and met a really nice neurologist resident who works with my regular neuro. She was so awesome! She really listened to me and was able to think outside the box. She feels that my issues stem from my small-fiber nerves. Damage to those would not show up on an EMG nerve study, so she set me up to have Autonomic testing done, which will check the small-fiber nerves and see if they are damaged or not. They are now thinking that my symptoms may be caused by a genetic disorder, like Fabry’s, rather than an autoimmune illness. That testing is June 3rd and I go in to see my neuro after that. I will let you all know how that goes!

So that brings you all up to speed! Hope everyone is feeling their best today!

Keep Smiling!!